Despite lots of self-imposed guilt, I ended up working from home for several days last month, while I was attempting to fight a pernicious springtime bug. Aside from getting a lot of attention from my two cats, I was able to spend most of my days either working quietly, or trying to rest and recuperate. Having already succumbed to one of the hazards of my neighborhood (tree pollen), my decision to work from home exposed to another neighborhood hazard: door-to-door solicitors.
The act of soliciting door-to-door has always confused me. On the surface, it makes sense. I understand the law of averages, and I know that if you knock on enough doors, eventually you will find someone who is willing to buy whatever it is that you are selling. However, I never understood the marketing strategy of peddling home improvement services door-to-door. The way I see it, if you are a contractor or some other tradesman and you do quality work, the business will follow. If you have enough time to go door-to-door and solicit business, it probably means that you do not have work lined up right now.
In my experience (and by experience, I mean doing business with a lot of crappy contractors over the years), if you are a tradesman and you are out of work, there is probably a reason for it! Going door-to-door and advertising your availability just perpetuates that image, at least that's the way I see it. The moral of the story is that I never buy any home improvement services from anybody who is soliciting door-to-door. If I don't have a personal reference from someone I know and trust about the quality of your work, you will never get any business from me (no matter how many flyers you tape to my door). The only people I will hire to work on my home are the ones who have already been tested, preferably on someone else's home!
Still, I occasionally get duped into answering the door by contractors who are canvassing our neighborhood. Last month was such an occasion. I was working quietly at my kitchen table, when I heard a knock on my front door. I opened the door, and immediately regretted that decision; on my front stoop was a smiling salesman wearing a Scott's Lawn Service polo shirt.
"Good afternoon, sir!" the salesman said. "I'm from Scott's lawn service and I noticed that you have a bit of a clover problem in your lawn."
"Thanks, but I'm not interested in lawn service, and I'm actually quite busy right now." I replied as I closed the front door.
As a consultant, I'm quite familiar with all the justifications for outsourcing, yet, I've rarely approached my corporate clients with the chutzpah that the lawn guy had. Can you imagine what that would look like?
Client: "So what can I do for you, Lee?"
Lee: "Your business is a mess, and since you're in charge, I would guess it's your fault."
Client: "Excuse me?"
Lee: "It's simple. You're too stupid to fix your problem. I'm smarter than you. Pay me lots of money and I'll fix it for you."
As you can imagine, this would not go over very well. In fact, most consultants will not even call you wrong to your face. They'll spin the problem, and use jargon to offer a solution, like providing "value adds" or freeing up resources to focus on "core competencies." They'll usually use the word "leverage" as a verb. A lot.
The reason most consultants are well practiced spin doctors, is that most people don't like having their own flaws pointed out. If you are feeling defensive about what someone said to you, who cares if they said what they meant? It doesn't matter, because you're not listening. You're too pissed off!
This is one situation where I recommend a departure from my cardinal rule: saying what you mean when someone has just told you that you are worthless is NOT a good idea!
I know that my lawn isn't going to end up on a magazine cover anytime soon, but it doesn't bother me. My lawn is not perfect, but to be fair, I've got bigger things to worry about than some rogue clovers! Yet, maybe the consulting metaphor is too specific. Perhaps I should use a more typical comparison.
How about this instead...
Imagine yourself waking through the local shopping mall. You pass a hair salon and a stylist shouts over to you:
"Hey! Your haircut sucks. It makes you look ugly. Let me help you with that!"
Hmm. That didn't feel very nice. But it's okay, because there's a sale at your favorite clothing store. A sales associate greets you at the door with big smile:
"Wow. Your clothes are really out of style. If you don't update your wardrobe with this season's latest fashions, nobody will love you."
Wow. That's some strange customer service, isn't it? But no need to worry, because the food court is up ahead. Maybe a snack will make you feel better. In fact, that place ahead is giving out free samples:
"Hey buddy! You can't cook, and even if you could, nobody would want to eat it. Want to try some greasy chicken on a toothpick?"
Suddenly, your appetite is gone. Maybe you should just get out of here as fast as possible. You run past a line of stores...
An electronics store:
"You have no talent, and will spend your whole life on your couch. A bigger TV will make you feel better about your pathetic existence."
A shoe store:
"Do you have poor self-image? Because, you should. I mean, look at you! You need to get in shape, but first buy these running shoes!"
A gadget store:
"Your career is totally pathetic. If you had a miniature remote-controlled helicopter, you could imagine that you have an exciting job, instead of being a big disappointment. And it runs on AA batteries!"
One of those e-Cigarette kiosks:
"Sure, this product is stupid, and this job is lame, but I'm only 18. At least I have the rest of my life ahead of me!"
Okay, that last guy was probably just bitter about working at an e-Cigarette kiosk, but nonetheless, those people didn't do a very good job making you want to buy what they were selling did they?
Didn't think so.
Makes you think twice about criticizing someone's lawn, doesn't it?
Happy shopping!
-Lee
P.S. If you're reading this, Mr. Scott's lawn service guy, stop taping your damned flyers to my door!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment