I want to make a point, so...

I'm not sure when exactly it happened, but it seems like everyone around me is scared of ending their sentences. Perhaps it is the inevitable culmination of the trend toward politically-correctness. If you never actually make a point, how can anyone find it offensive?

This strange phenomenon actually reminds me of Victor Borge, a Danish comedian that used to use a piano in most of his routines. My parents used to love Victor Borge. Admittedly, his rise in popularity was before my time, so most of his routines that I saw were re-broadcasts on television. Still, I can clearly remember one of his more popular gimmicks, where he would read a story and say the punctuation out loud. Mind you, he did not just say the name of the punctuation mark. Borge would make a different noise and gesture for each of the punctuation marks in what he was reading. I still laugh at these routines today:

If you were to listen to Borge's phonetic punctuation routine and then listen to a modern-day beat boxer, you could make a pretty convincing argument that this gray-haired, old, white dude was one of the pioneers of a hip-hop art form! Maybe that argument wouldn't really hold up, but it is still fun to imagine Victor Borge, clad his Marc Ecko gear, flanked by fly girls on a rap video set! Actually, you do not have to imagine it, since Ed McMahon already did that shtick...

I watched one of these old Victor Borge routines and started to wonder: what noise would Victor Borge make for the word "so" when it is placed at the end of a sentence? I am sure you are all thinking, "Waitasec, Lee! The word "so" is a word! It is not a punctuation mark.

Or is it?

I have lost track of how many times someone around me has communicated something in a perfectly understandable and succinct way, only to end their sentence with a transition to nothing ("I think we should go out for dinner, so..."). When did the word "so" officially replace the period? What ever happened to the full stop in conversations? Perhaps it is off hiding with its buddy, the email period; I haven't seen that guy around in ages (Hey! I have an idea! Let's end every sentence in an email with an exclamation point!). I hope they are having fun together. Maybe they will drop me a postcard from where ever they are vacationing -- I just hope they do not put any emoticons in it.

The idea of saying what you mean goes hand in hand with this epidemic of superfluous transitions. You cannot say what you mean if you do not know when to stop saying it. If you put enough time and thought into what you say, you should be proud of your point of view. Being able to eloquently and confidently express your thoughts, emotions, and aspirations to the world around you is kind of a big deal. The notion that our culture is content to let smiley faces and acronyms express our thoughts on our behalf is just a symptom of a larger problem: many people do not realize what they give up when they stop trying to express ourselves.

On many occasions, I have called out people who end their sentences with "so." Most people think I am just trying to be an ass (they are probably right, but I can assure them that it is not intentional). I will often ask them "so... what?" and I think it is a valid question! If you were to plop down any other coordinating conjunctions at the end of your clause, I am going to want to know where you are going with your thoughts. Would you be as eager to end your sentences with other coordinating conjunctions? I doubt it would have the same effect:

"Dude, I meant to call you back last night, but things got crazy, yet..."

"This isn't working out for me. I think I need some more space, nor..."

"Wendy's is good, but I think the fries are better at Chick-fil-A, for..."

Kind of creepy, isn't it?

If you drop a "so" at the end of your sentence, I think that you are about to make a point based on your prior thoughts. Now you have piqued my interest, at least grammatically. If you cast the line, you had better reel it in. If you really meant to "so" your clauses together, bravo! Make your point and be proud of it. Otherwise, just end your sentence and move on with your life.

So, (yes I am being ironic here) I've got a challenge for you: start your day with ten dimes in your right pocket. Each time you end a sentence with "so," move one of those dimes to your left pocket. If you manage to end the day with any dimes in your right pocket, you win! If you end the day with an empty right pocket, don't despair. You can go ahead and send me that dollar, and you won't have to go through that humiliation again, unless...

Just kidding.

I hope you all have a fantastic weekend. Period.
-Lee